From a billionaire to a lakhpati, the last few years of Vijay Mallya’s life has made him incredibly despondent. Deep in debt and doubts, he was pondering on how to make a comeback in public life as the king of good times.
Having shifted loyalties from The Oberoi in Bangalore to the shop run by a Tamilian settled in Bangalore near the Koramangala bus stand, the music player in the shop blares with an incredibly motivating Tamil song. Listening to the song, the mood of the once-flamboyant ex-billionaire, changes. He wants to know what is the song that is so uplifting. That is when one of the patrons of the shop reads the newspaper headlines in typical kannadiga slang. ‘I don’t have money to pay your salary dues, Vijay Mallya tells Kingfisher staff”. This makes Vijay Mallya recoil in disgust.
Tears flow copiously which he tries hard to conceal. He leaves the tea shop without paying liquid cash of 8 rupees as he had pawned his 1994 Jaguar XJ220 for his daily cuppa tea. On the ride back to his home, he gets reminded of the kannadiga who becomes a famous actor in Tamil cinema and can perform stunts that even Chuck Norris would chuck away from. Rajnikanth that is! It was a Rajnikanth number at the tea shopm, he recollects.
He alights at the nearest DVD center and purchases yesteryear Tamil movies of Rajnikanth like Baasha, Annamalai and has a fight with the people at the shop as they do not accept his Sodexho coupons and ends up giving his trademark VJM diamond to them and says that he will come back for it in a Kollywood style beating his thighs with his hands.
He storms into his home and parks his once royal bum on the couch and inserts the DVD of Annamalai. This is a movie where betrayed by a friend and vowing to take revenge and be rich, Rajnikanth does a lot of odd jobs along with the help of his family members and becomes the big shot of his city. With trademark superstar dialogues and fight sequences, this was one of the biggest hits of Rajni.
Mallya goes to the DGCA (Directorate General of Civil Aviation) office and shouts at Arun Sharma, the Director General of DGCA-” Arun, intha naal, unnoda calendar la kurichhi vechukko. nee eppadi enna asingapaduthi ennoda flight, ennoda maanam, ennoda Kingfisher calendar girls ellathayum illamo panniyo, athey maathiri unnoda office ayum baaki irukkara ellla flightlayum naan vaangireyn paaru”.
*too-tudutoo-tuttoo-too-tudutoo-tuttoo-too-tudutoo-tuttoo* ARR music.
He storms out of the office while a personnel in the office dials the NIMHANS number. and he comes back in 3 minutes for a closure and to make a top-tukker effect on the bewildered officers. ”naan, oru thaadavey sonna, nooru thaadava sonna maathiri”.
*ARR Music again.*
Mallya envisages pulling off a miracle like Rajni does in his movies by many people centred moves for his customers. He announces various offers for his Kingfisher liquor patrons. For every KF 5000 you purchase, you will get a sombu with water for free. People are queuing up the TASMAC and other liquor shops like crazy especially the rural areas where there are no toilets and people have to use the sombu for you know what.
This move is condemned by all other liquor distributors, but Mallya is undaunted. He travels to each and every outlet that serves liquor and the press happily clicks pictures and carries this story and this act of his goes viral on Facebook and other social media, especially on Twitter where the hastag #sombumallya has been trending on top for three weeks from the time this one-of-a-kind move started. The last time a hashtag trended for more than two weeks is when Lalu Prasad promised that he will phully ender indo politikks, the nation wept. Copiously at that.
There is so much rush for the KF brand that he will soon run out of stock. He also continues watching other Tamil movies. Along with watching Rajnikanth movies, he also scouts for other motivational pieces.
His enemies see this as an opportunity and sneak a few Vijaykanth movies into his DVD collections. Oblivious to the fact that it was a Vijaykanth movie that he was about to watch, doctor Mallya presses play in his DVD remote. It takes a long time for him to figure out that Vijaykanth was the main actor in the movie since it has been ingrained in his good- times-mind that heroes look good.
The latest reports suggest that Vijay Mallya has been admitted in NIMHANS. Doctors do not know what swept him. Someone who swept the nation a few days ago with his ingenious schemes for his liquor patrons, as doctors put it-” is feeling suicidal and says he does not want to live anymore”. Mallya’s servant Ramu, an MBA graduate says that the liquor baron was seen shouting and howling at the TV screen saying-”This is all reel. Electricity. Narasimha. Oh Holy Branson. I am not ready for this.” and erupted into seizures.
Even in the hospital, he was found to be screaming in disgust and was looking terrified. It seems the plans of the rival companies has worked big time.
Latest update: Vijay Mallya has recovered very fast all thanks to the latest Rajnikanth movie he saw-”Enthiran” Robot! With the limited resources he had, he made a Chitti robot for himself and his KFA employees say that he has been a revelation since then. Has paid all his dues from selling every scrap he had, stopped using 1000 rupee note as toilet paper and has switched to a more humbler 10 rupee note and many other smart moves all effected by Mallya’s Chitti.
Life is cool and he is back as the king of good times!